Self-Development

Things That Hold People Back From Being The Person They Were Meant To Be

Life isn’t perfect. We can’t always get what we want, nor is it always easy to go get it. There’s obstacles and things that seem like restraints, and we hold ourselves back from our dreams and goals because of them. However, I am here to tell you that obstacles are made to be overcome and there’s actually no such thing in the universe as a “restraint.” We construct and manifest the entire idea of “restraint” all by ourselves.

​Here are some common things that hold people back from doing what they want to do, and what steps you can take to overcome them:


You are scared of failing

It sucks when you try to do something and then completely bomb it. It hurts your self-esteem and your self-confidence, no matter who you are! But you HAVE TO get back up. Think of failure and rejection as a teaching lesson rather than a road block. What went wrong, and what can you change about it? How can you push yourself to be better? 

And if you haven’t even tried yet but are scared that you will fail, you need to swallow that fear whole and walk into this journey chest up and ready to fight. You will absolutely NEVER know unless you try. You will never know what you can make of your idea if you let the fear of failing completely stop you from trying. 

Completely change your mindset about the concept of “failure.” Go into this prepared, EXPECTING to fail a couple times here or there. Be excited, not afraid, for the experience of failing, because failing will allow you to grow.

​You don’t want to take any risks

The “Unpredictable” is a freakin’ scary place. From the outside, it looks pitch black and dead silent, also smells a little funny. People absolutely hate even going near it because they think they’ll take one step it, freak out, and run back outside. I’m here to tell you that it is absolutely nothing like that. The “Unpredictable” is a magical place filled with adventures, treasures, and beauty.

Okay, yes, that was super corny, but seriously, uncertainty and unpredictability are really not that bad. Life isn’t supposed to be predictable, otherwise it would be boring as hell. Also, facing uncertainty allows for us to learn how to adjust to problems, issues, and change, which is such an important skill to have. It is definitely not easy at first, but the more you practice adjusting to change, the better you get at it. 

To overcome the fear of uncertainty and let yourself walk into the “Unpredictable,” you need to keep in mind exactly what kinds of things you have control over, and push yourself to take COMPLETE control of it. Realize that you cannot control everything and life will bring you random events without your permission, but that’s completely okay and can be dealt with. The important thing is to stay focused on the things you can control.

You don’t have enough money, enough time, enough resources, etc.

This one is a hard one, because it might be the most tangible out of all the obstacles and barriers that are holding us back. The reality is that sometimes we do not have access to everything we need in order to help us achieve our dreams.

Money is a prime example – we need money, so we put our dreams aside so we can do what we can to make ends meet and survive. Or we are way too busy with our job, kids, family, etc. to find the time to do what you need to do to go after your goals.

The key here is to simply take things step by step. You do not need to achieve your dreams by this Friday. There is no deadline. If you don’t have the money or time right now, acknowledge this. But do not, and I repeat, DO NOT acknowledge it and do nothing about it. Acknowledge this as an obstacle and make a plan to overcome it. 

Start to save up little by little, see what you can do to make extra cash. Take a little bit of time out of every day to plan or work on things. Even if you do not have the resources or time right now, it does not mean you cannot obtain them at all. You CAN and you WILL – you just have to make a plan and stick with it.

You love your little comfortable bubble

Yes, it feels nice to be in our comfort zone. We feel safe; we know what’s going to happen minute by minute. We think we are happy because we feel “fine where we are.” But, do not confuse “happy” with being “content.” Too often, our comfort zone is just a means of settling. You are settling for the life you have now, even though you know you want more for yourself.

Staying in our comfort zone will stop us from growing. You can’t become who you are meant to be by just staying where and who you are. 

Make a list of where you are right now. What is good about your life? What is okay about your life? And what do you not like about your life. Then make a list of where you WANT to be, ideally, if life were a perfect world. Then make a list of the exact fears that are holding you back from that life – these fears are the walls of your bubble. Identifying what makes up the wall of your bubble is the first step in breaking through them.

You are waiting for the “right time”

Time is just a construct of our imagination. It is there to help us try to keep our life organized. But when it comes to our dreams and goals, the “right time” is exactly when you decide it to be. No one in the entire world has the power to tell you when the right time is. You sign your own damn permission slip for this field trip. 

Waiting for the “right time” is just an excuse people use to continue to let their fears stop them from being who they want to be. It’s the “maybe tomorrow” mindset. But IT IS POSSIBLE now and there is literally no such thing as “tomorrow.” There is only a today, only a NOW, and you must make the most of that.

It will not magically become the “right time.” The key is to take it step by step – you do not need to have everything figured out right away. Once you begin the process, it will set the ball rolling and things will begin to fall into place. But it will never be the right time until you make it that. You can’t learn how to swim unless you first dip your toes in the water.

You suck at planning

I’m a very “go with the flow” type of person. I take things day by day, I plan things like trips super last minute, without barely planning an itinerary. But even though I have this mindset, I love to think about my future. I love to think about my goals and dreams and how I’m going to achieve them. Sounds contradictory right? Someone who barely plans things but loves to plan.

Some people think planning is stressful and completely avoid it. Then, without having a plan, they get nowhere.

On the other hand, some people plan for things down to the T, leaving barely any room for flexibility or change. Then, when something does come up, they become frozen and get nowhere.

Both approaches to planning suck, and in the end, GET YOU NOWHERE. Both approaches are also really not fun.

Planning should be FUN, especially when it’s related to you planning how you are going to become the best version of yourself and who you are meant to be. Get excited about the end goal of your plan. When you can shift your mentality about planning to this, then the stress of it lifts and you are more able to effectively plan.

One of the best ways to do this is by creating a vision board. Figure out what you want to do and make a visual of it. Get excited, because amazing things are destined to happen when you make a plan to follow your dreams.

You feel like you are not good enough

Ooh this one is my favorite. This is the biggest lie we tell ourselves, hands down. Do not believe this lie – shut it down anytime this little lie comes intruding into your mind. 

You are good enough.

You are amazing and capable of great things, anything that you set your heart to do.

You have the ability to put forth an equal if not greater amount of energy that you manifest within yourself.

You have every drop of power within you to become exactly who you want to be – and your only job to make it happen is by seeking that out.

Now, even though you are good enough, it does not mean you are perfect. It does not always mean you are completely ready either – but that is okay and that is NO REASON AT ALL to stop you from advancing. We are all humans who are constantly growing and constantly learning. Even our brain is always changing and our skin is regenerating! 

Be willing to grow. Take what you can and do what you have to do to learn new things, learn things that will help you get to where you want to be. Make that investment in yourself – whether it is to go to school, take a course, seek out a life coach, spend time doing research online, etc. Growing then also helps you FEEL like you’re good enough by boosting your self-esteem, so it is a win-win! 

You do not want to be judged

This is yet another lie we consistently tell ourselves – that what others think of us matters. But it really does not matter. Other people’s opinion of us is simply a perception, that’s it. And a perception is not a reality, it is a completely made up idea that we way too often put too much significance on.

Even our perception of our own selves can be skewed! Some people think negatively about themselves, which is not true at all – it’s a perception.  And then the WORST is when someone else’s perception affects your perception of yourself. Do not fall into the trap of perception, whether it is yours or someone else’s. 

You do not need someone else’s approval or validation. Their perception of you does not matter a single bit. What they think of you doesn’t help you advance, it does not give your journey more worth, and it does not equal to success.

You WILL be successful whether someone thinks you will or not. The only validation you need is yourself. Delete any negative perception you have of yourself and forget about the perception others have on you. 

You can do this by writing down in detail WHO YOU ARE. Like, who are you? What makes you YOU. And remind yourself every day who you are and do not forget it. Great things happen when you remember who TF you are.

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